Puke

You just contacted me several times.
After +4 of the longest months I've had in a while
And since you last ignored me.

I'm crying
because
for once I'm not going to answer you.
It's not easy to admit.

Held back a lot of tears this week,
Breached a lot of fears this year.
But you, always held power of breaking me down.
Injecting me a fix like I can't take or get anywhere else.
And so you did it again. But I love it somehow.
Quit spilling so much adrenaline inside me now
I need to puke.

Unbelievable.
Family.
Situation.
Repetition of what happened 4 years ago to a younger soul.

Abandoned.
Broken.
Losing control.

But maybe I can be strong like before.
Fall down if it's real, only if the sight is worth something.
And it is.

No abusing this time, maybe.

I just want to do the right thing.
For me. For you. For you. You...
I'm desperately sorry I'm not going to answer you.
Still it's not for certain
Ouh the things I could do...

The memories.
The pain.
The feelings.
Bloom one moment, then
Enrage in me.
Everything right now seems dangerous
You were my favorite person, now poison.
You still are.

With everything I have and don't have, and everything lost,
Everything in the world,
Can show you you're free without me.

I don't want the moon or the stars in my hands anymore.
I just want to watch them glow.
It's beautiful without my ache to hold.
Please let us both see.
For you. For me. For you. You...

So.
After 12 months since the break up.
I've got to go.
All I'm painfully confessing is
I'm letting you go.